evensong

to whom do I address

my terms of surrender

you, beloved 

or the lover you chose

instead

to whom do I send 

detailed instructions 

you, on how to forget me

or her, on how to love you

to whom do I compose 

verses of song

her, hymns to the victor

or you

always you

in chanted vigil 

in keeping up your

vespers

jihad at target

I wage a holy war

losing time under fluorescent

lights harsh tagchew threadscream

in the intimates aisle

polyester panties and wanting to die

I am already naked

feral dripping

warmud bloodspit battlesweat

standing here

hand grip

cart push

wild

and half dead

in civilization crumble clearance section

and this time martyrdom is

pulse and blink is witness

staying alive in captivity

this time jihad of a sword swallowed

firebelly in the self-checkout

ancient beast buying bras with security tags

smoldering guerilla and

out into the parking lot

fight another day

surrounded

to the man who said he stopped seeing me because he didn’t want to be “surrounded by transgenders”

I am going to please my new lover so goddamn well I will pleasure her and protect her and make her dick hard and her laughter soft and we will be beautiful and free and they will never understand and we will sweat and moan and sing and everything will be praise

and everything will be

and everything 

forgiving a fuckboy

I see him

now

child on a dusty road 

runsome distance away

skittish eyes burning nose running

probably

crying for a long time but done

now

kicking at some rocks

or a can

swinging his arms

unsure what to do next 

unheld and wandersome

unaware

it was safe for him to come home

now

'Ishq

knees bear witness countless

hours knelt

tearing diligence

weeds ripped prayerful

discipline lest

tender or nourish

be choked out

knees agree with hands

hands with memory dirtlined

muscle wisdom 

sensation of each weed some

deep rooted others quickened some

prickly few fragrant

and then the vines

oh hands know the vines

weeds that pull back

laced and locked

plant of lovers

oh hands know the vines

how strange, then

earlier tonight

to be the gardener tearing

and the vine torn

I resist ferocious

clinging to the

sacred silent thing

between us

but I see you

and leave 

without saying

goodbye

ALL

some religions have this idea of eternal marriage your spouse on earth is also your spouse in heaven and you only get one divorce would ruin the whole thing because who would you be with in heaven it wouldn't work i find this achingly stupid god is the source of all love if you return to god you return to all the love you have ever known every friend and kin every blade of grass to ever brush your skin every berry plucked from a bush every lover every laugh shared with a stranger every small act of kindness why would there be any division why would there be any limit earthly contracts are such a pale comparison to the true union that awaits god is not one because of excluding the rest god is one because god is ALL

inked

god’s own dye

head to toe

bones tattooed

etched in prayer

lifeinked 

oh how they will wish 

to understand

oh how the runes

will laugh